I am concerned about my parents who need care

Kiyomi’s Counseling Room
powered by Kiyomi Kawano (Feminist Counselor)

I am concerned about my parents who need care. My father is 88 and is physically handicapped. He needs assistance with normal daily tasks. My mother is a physically sound 93, but is showing symptoms of senile dementia and deterioration in language skills. I am their only daughter and I live one hour from their house, I found a helper who assists them in their daily routines.

One of the most concerning problems is they don't trust the helper. I trust her, but they are suspicious and always complain about her. When they call me I listen to their complaints about not wanting strangers in their house. They have told me to visit them saying they thought something was stolen. Each time this happened, I found nothing was stolen. I cannot visit them frequently because of the physical distance and I have my own family. Because of this I cannot be with them as often as they would like. I am almost certain that they are lonely.

When I asked how they feel about our distance, I was only able to get an ambiguous answer. I am really unsure what they feel. I cannot move nearer to look after them. I don't think changing the helper will solve the problem. She understands the situation and I don’t think I can find someone better than she is.

My question is: how I can convince my parents to trust her?

Do you use health care insurance? Is the woman who takes care of your parents paid from health care insurance? Have your parents ever visited a doctor or a psychiatrist? Since delusions are one of the common symptoms of senile dementia, you should seek professional advice. There may be support centers available in the town where your parents live. Find one and ask for advice there. Not all only daughters can take care of their parents when they are elderly. Don't try to solve the problem by yourself. Visit a center.

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Translated by Atsuko Ishikawa

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